My parents’ wedding.. Society believes that beauty is the real treasure to be had.. In Christ we know that beauty is fleeting, but a woman of virture is more precious than rubies..
Society thinks it’s okay to sin as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. That must depend on who the “any one” is.
Is it acceptable to sin against people who are different than us? The fat kid in the hallway (I was that fat kid)? The kid who has acne? The poor kid? Oh, nowadays people hate ya if ya look too good too! Tell me WHAT IS THE PERFECT FORMULA for people to be kind to one another????
Thank God that He made a way for all this garbage to be dumped as far as the east is from the west…
Thank God that “love covers a multitude of sins”… Only God’s love truly enables us to rise above!
Our story, yours and mine, began the moment we took our first breath in this world, and our story will only end the moment we let out our last breath.
Remember God truly has a plan and a purpose in all things.
Satan also has a plan! Remember that too.
We must know the enemy’s tactics Church!
Let us share the journey of TRIUMPH OVER evil..
Let me share with you the plans of God and the plans of the Evil One.
Here begins the GOOD WORK of God in the midst of a wilderness..
And then, hold tight with me. There is a Promise Land coming!
Chapter 2: Stink, Stank, Stunk
My story IS God’s glory.
Your story is God’s glory!
If we shy away from our story, no matter how stinky it appears to smell, we are dimming His glory.
His glory must shine to set the captives free, to bless the saved, to give strength to the weary, to give hope to the brokenhearted, AND to keep the fires stoked for the strong!
(so many exclamation points! I am rejoicing!!!!!)
I have heard enough about my life from extended relatives to know that the spirit of hate was upon me the very day I was born. This destroyer of God’s people was well sustained throughout my childhood (this spirit attempts to destroy God’s people..He can attempt to take us down– but in Christ, we are locked AND loaded in Jesus name, AMEN!)
We are locked in because we are SAVED through the blood of Jesus Christ.
We are loaded because we are EQUIPPED by the armor of God (Ephesians 6:8)..
My parents just weren’t good. Plain and simple.
I was raised by a “Mommy Dearest” 100 squared (is that a number?). My nightmares were scary. They were about her trying to kill me.
She hated me. My skin color. My words. My brains. I was too fat, too stupid, too ugly. Daily she physically and emotionally berated me. As a teen her beatings made me wet my pants. She cursed at me.
But I loved her.
She wasn’t always that way. There were few moments when I was little that I felt her love.. She had a sweetness and a warmth to her. Sadly, I believe the Evil One got to her and tormented her.
(Present day: She has her story too. I’m going to interject right now that I do not blame her. I have forgiven her. She is greatly loved. She is still an abuser of herself and others. Yet, Our God is powerful. “Through Christ All things are possible”– she can be made whole. That is my praying hope!)
She was my first love.
She was everything I was made to believe I was not. Perfect figure. She was always the most beautiful woman in the room. She used her sexuality with men like a weapon and a curse. A man left his family for her. Another man killed for her.
( yes, this is crazy AND true)
She was intelligent: Excelled at everything she touched other than being a mother… other than loving people.
My father. Allusive. Easy prey to my mother’s every outburst. I see my Father through the lens of how he let my mother hurt me and my sisters.
(Present day: my dad is warm, kind, thoughtful, lighthearted, loves the Lord and has taken the best care of his second family! He has asked for forgiveness and loves me and my family with all his heart!)
He was not my protector. He was a person, not a Daddy. I cant describe what his role was. I am very sorry to say that I could only see him through the lens of that one word– abandonment.
The extended relatives saw me and my sisters as an extension of our parents’ dishonesty, recklessness, irresponsibility, vanity and selfishness.
We had no one that loved us right or loved us well. Adult monsters persisted at being stupid very well.
The school kids were cruel. I was teased without mercy. My first day of kindergarten was sickening.
( I think the world has changed in one way for the better. Society is more aware of bullying, except kids are still allowed to bully overweight kids..)
My mother could care less about making sure I found my classroom. It didn’t matter to her if it was my first day of school.
Thankfully I knew how to read. I found my name on the list of the students’ names on the classroom door. Of course my name stood out in the midst of all the Jennifers and Sarahs.
As I stood outside my classroom door the Gremlins attacked. Two monster children ran passed me faster than I could see their faces. One of them smacked me in the face and the other punched me in the stomach.
Before I could begin to feel any pain from the smack in the face, the second boy punched me in the stomach.
Looking up through my tears, I saw them both running away laughing so loud that the other kids had to see what was happening. Of course the other kids began to laugh too.
That was when my face went hot with pain and the air was taken out of me. I couldn’t breath. I could cry, but I couldn’t breath.
I received no kindness from my teacher or the principal. The teacher did not console me. She looked at me with cold eyes and turned away.
The Great Beautiful Monster found her way into the principal’s office. Sitting on one of the cold office chairs, I heard her verbally berate every single soul in that office with her hitting words. She went right to the center of the gut and hit them all like Mohammed Ali on steroids. She made a big scene. She didn’t care!
Did she care about me? Or did she love the drama? I know it was a little of both.
Did it help me? Did I feel loved?
I felt nothing, but deep pain that hurt more than the punches. I had no idea why I deserved this. I was only standing there. I was just being me…
Life went on like that for a very long time. My Grimm Tales seemed to last a lifetime. In my Cinderella tale I did not lose just a shoe. I lost a few shoes, my hat, gloves, glasses all the way down the stairs! Do I wish God didn’t let me fall? Sure. Yes. Who would say, “Oh, yeah I don’t regret living in hell?”
It was hell.
But God sustained me!
Chapter 3 is on its way!!!